The Earth swings through its orbit, falling toward the sun at about 100,000 kph....
The 8 primary planets of Sol, along with its cadre of dwarf planets, and possible brown dwarf companion, continue their orbits as they have for the past 4 billions years.
The inhabitants of the third planet have robotic probes orbiting the first, fourth, and sixth planets, while another probe is en route for one of the larger dwarf planets in the Kuiper Belt. Robotic rovers are driving on the fourth planet, while plans are in the works for robotic explorers for the moons of the fifth and sixth planets.
These inhabitants have also constructed the largest machine their species has ever built. It lies underground in a northern landmass, just north itself of a partially enclosed sea. They have just verified the existence of a field that pervades all matter--they named it the Higgs boson.
Despite these and other impressive technological accomplishments, many members of the dominant primate species continue to engage in picayune disagreements over issues of ethnicity, territory, and faith.
With this mind, and this being the five thousandth, three hundred and thirty-second review by the InterGalactic Welcoming Committee of this particular, we have decided to waive the right of annual reviews and return this planet to century reviews.
Good job people. They were ready to welcome us to the Intergalactic Federation and this whole nonsense in the Middle East screwed us over.
I am planning an appeal. As soon as I can figure out who to appeal to.
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